What do you think of me?
Are you quite proud of this make-believe
curtain that hangs around everything
you can admire in that girl?
She's so damn beautiful…

You will see me rise again,
You will feel me fly again
You're so wonderful,
I will be there by your side…
I see before the race you've run
And jump ahead too far
You're so damn beautiful..

I can feel it pass me by. I can feel its pain. I can feel it walk on by. I can feel I'm standing here alone...and my whole life is flashing before my eyes. I can feel my self steadily standing...trembling but strongly divine...

I can tell you won't be around anymore. I can hear you whisper beautifully to someone. I can be what you can't make me be. I can be what I never wanted to be. I can stop my world and slide into yours...

You can hear me faint. You can hear me die away. You can hear me carry my love for you. You can hear me drown. You can hear me vaguely whisper. Do you have to close your heart...just not to listen to my beautiful words sworn to be true forever...that I love you.

You can see me close my vision. You can picture my fear of seeing my future... The endless future of not having you... For not having you endlessly... I will be blazed in hell. I will be pampered in heaven. I will be...anywhere, but without you...

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Special thanks to Mr. Meizard :D

PRAYER: disturbed side

Another dream that will never come true just to compliment your sorrow. Another life that I’ve taken from you, a gift to add on to your pain and suffering. Another truth you can never believe has crippled you completely. All the cries you’re beginning to hear trapped in your mind and the sound is deafening.
Another nightmare about to come true will manifest tomorrow. Another love that I've taken from you, lost in the time, on the edge of suffering. Another taste of the evil I breed will level you completely. Bring to life everything that you fear…live in the dark, and the world is threatening.

Let me enlighten you… This is the way I pray… Living just isn’t hard enough, burn me alive inside. Living my life’s not hard enough, take everything away…

Doa hari ini

Allah Yang Maha Pemurah,

Terimakasih Engkau telah menciptakan dia dan mempertemukan aku dengannya.

Terimakasih untuk saat-saat indah yang boleh kami nikmati bersama.

Terimakasih untuk setiap pertemuan yang boleh kami lalui bersama.

Terimakasih untuk setiap saat-saat yang lalu.

Aku datang bersujud dihadapan-Mu,

Sucikan hatiku yaa Allah, sehingga dapat melaksanakan kehendak dan rencana-Mu dalam hidupku.

Yaa Allah, jika aku bukan pemilik tulang rusuknya, janganlah biarkan aku merindukan kehadirannya.

Kikislah bayangannya dari pelupuk mataku dan usirlah dia dari relung hatiku.

Tolonglah aku agar dapat mengasihinya sebagai sahabat.

Tetapi jika Kau ciptakan dia untukku, yaa Allah, tolong satukan hati kami.

Bantulah aku untuk mencintai, mengerti dan menerima dia seutuhnya.

Berikan aku kesabaran, ketekunan, dan kesungguhan untuk memenangkan hatinya.

Bukalah hatinya agar dia juga mencintai, mengerti dan menerima aku dengan segala kelebihan dan kekuranganku sebagaimana aku telah Kau ciptakan.

Yakinkanlah dia bahwa aku sungguh-sungguh mencintai dan rela membagi suka dan dukaku dengan dia.

Yaa Allah Maha Pengasih,

lepaskanlah aku dari keraguan ini menurut kasih dan kehendak-Mu.

Aku tahu Engkau senantiasa memberikan yang terbaik untukku.

Luka dan keraguan yang kualami pasti ada hikmahnya dan mengajarkanku

untuk hidup makin dekat pada-Mu, untuk lebih peka terhadap suara-Mu

yang membimbingku menuju terang-Mu.

Ajarkanlah aku untuk tetap setia dan sabar menanti tibanya waktu yang telah Engkau tentukan.

Jadilah kehendak-Mu dan bukan kehendakku yang jadi dalam setiap bagian hidupku, yaa Allah.

Amiin.

behind these hazel eyes..

Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be
Sewn together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe... No, I can't sleep...
I'm barely hangin' on...
Here I am, once again...I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend... Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside anymore...